Bill's Super Secret Blog! on Bill Alive

New Release! 📚 The Stolen Star: An Epic Portal Fantasy Adventure

Fri, 03 Apr 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Not his fight.
Not even his world.
And no other way home.

New Release! 📚 Motherquest (A Fantasy Adventure)

Fri, 20 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

The king stole his mother.
Time to get her back.

New Release! 📚 Violet and the Seven Dwarves (A Fairy Tale)

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Shame makes monsters of us all.

New Release! 📚 Tree Magic: A Novella

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Who knows her secret?
Only the trees…

New Bundle! 📚 The Official Comedy Series Starter

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Three Books.
Three Series.
At Least Three Laughs.

New Comedy Novel! 📚 Welcome to Buckeyburg

Sat, 31 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

WELCOME TO BUCKEYBURG!
You’ll want to stay!
(Because you can’t leave…)

New Novella! 📚 Green Scapulars

Sat, 24 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

He sees a goddess.
She just sees a new recruit.

New Collection! 📚 Stories From 2025: An Annual Collection of Delicious Short Fiction

Sat, 17 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Comedy.
Love.
More Comedy.
Kind of what you’d expect from a Bill Alive collection…

New Release! 📚 Cartesians, Queens, and Coffee Beans A Three-Book Bundle of Zany Short Comedies

Sat, 10 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Three complete books of delightful comedies!
A fractured fairy tale … delusional philosophers … star-crossed lovers whose happiness hinges on some very unusual coffee beans … and so much more …

New Release! 📚 Don't Buy This Bundle: A Long Omnibus of Short Parodies

Sat, 03 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

One huge bundle, three complete books of festive parodies, silly news satires, and other minor literary crimes.

New Release! 📚 Stories From 2024 (and Before) A First Annual Collection of Delicious Short Fiction

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Comedies.
Science Fiction.
Unrequited Love.
You’ll get them all, in this fun little book that kicks off my new series of annual short story collections.

New Release! 📚 Crooks, Castles, and Kisses: A Three-Book Bundle of Splendid Stories

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Three complete books of marvelous short stories!
One great deal.
And with all that these tales have to offer… a Brave Little Mailman, a Sofa King, high school love stories, and so much more… you’ve got zero reasons to pass this up.

Four Short Story Comedies You May Have Missed (Plus, a Small Update)

Tue, 16 Dec 2025 00:00:00 -0500

“Disengaged”, “Free Soles”, “The Brave Little Mailman”, and “DJ and Rockabilly Go to Venice”…

New Release! 📚 DJ Jarba and Rockabilly Go to Venice (A Goofball Buddy Comedy)

Thu, 11 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Two fun-loving college DJs.
One relentless cop.
And a huge misunderstanding…

Three FUNNY Love Stories You May Have Missed

Sat, 06 Dec 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Romantic comedies? Well… more like comedies with romance…

New Release! 📚 The Brave Little Mailman

Sat, 06 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

The mail must go through.
Crocodiles or not…

Three Sweet Love Stories You May Have Missed

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 12:00:00 -0500

A happy ending doesn’t always mean Happily Ever After…

New Release! 📚 Dawn: An Unrequited Love Story

Sun, 30 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

He loves her. She knows.
So does her awesome boyfriend…

Three Fun Science Fiction/Fantasy Shorts You May Have Missed

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 15:32:06 -0500

Teleports go on sale, we get time travel instead of the Internet, and an amnesiac knight hunts his lost love with the help of a robot kitten.

New Release! 📚 Crags in the Sunset

Fri, 21 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

What happens next when love doesn’t conquer all?

Update: A New Release EVERY WEEK?

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 19:37:39 -0500

After releasing a new book every month for a year, I’m taking this game to a whole new level.

New Release! 📚 Coffee Beans

Thu, 13 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

True Like conquers all.
Maybe.

New Release! 📚 Free Soles

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Sometimes, you just can’t look away.

New Release! 📚 No Man's Hair Is His Own

Sat, 01 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Uh oh. She knows.
Every man’s worst secret…

New Release! 📚 Disengaged

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Sure, they’re engaged.
But that doesn’t mean she actually likes him.

New Release! 📚 Into the Kiln

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000

She’ll never forget this anniversary.
Because this time, he really messed up…

New Release! 📚 The Legend of Snufflebutt: A Billionaire Vampire Romance

Fri, 10 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000

If only she could find a sweet, loving, totally loaded rich dude who DIDN’T look SUPER old… oh, wait…

New Release! 📚 The Mace, the Wizard, and the Robot Kitten

Fri, 03 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Some stories are better left unread…

New Release! 📚 Birthday Boy

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 00:00:00 +0000

What if we’d gotten time travel instead of the Internet?

New Release! 📚 Commute Killer

Fri, 19 Sep 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Teleports are finally on sale…

New Release! Don't Dance on the Lobsters! Plus... MY TWELVE-BOOK CHALLENGE IS COMPLETE! 🏆

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 12:00:00 -0400

With yet another whole BOOK full of short, delicious comedy, this epic 12-book challenge comes to an end… or is it a new beginning?

New Release! Don't Name Your Baby! (A Modest Collection of Spoof Self-Help, Parody Short Stories, and Other Minor Literary Crimes)

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 12:00:00 -0400

If you love short, zany humor pieces, unreliable narrators, and a reliable stream of jokes so dumb you have to laugh out loud, don’t miss Don’t Name Your Baby!

New Release! 'Elves' Rob Shoe Store (And More Silly News Satire From The Fabricated Press)

Mon, 30 Jun 2025 17:34:53 -0400

If you love silly news satire with bizarre characters, gleefully incoherent asides, and a high, holy hatred of marketing in all its forms, this is one collection you won’t want to miss.

SALE! 🤑 📖 Get My #1 BEST SELLING Psychic Mystery for 99 cents!

Wed, 14 May 2025 16:45:10 -0400

What else can you even buy with a dollar anymore?

New Release! The Brave Little Mailman (And Other Stories)

Wed, 14 May 2025 15:33:04 -0400

If you love goofy (yet earnest) characters, zany situations, and the occasional (okay, frequent) sweet romance along the way, this fun collection is the gem you’ve been hunting for.

New Release! The Sofa King (And Other Stories)

Wed, 14 May 2025 13:20:06 -0400

If you’ve a taste for odd characters with bizarre enthusiasms, ridiculous situations, and bemused bystanders, you’ve plucked the right volume from the shelf.

New Release! Can Someone Who Knows They Exist Go Call the Police?

Tue, 13 May 2025 19:59:21 -0400

If you love screwball comedies with zany characters, glittering one-liners, and a greater quantity of philosophical hijinks than really ought to be legal, this is one date you won’t want to miss.

TWO New Releases! A Tale of True Like AND Five Philosophy Comedies!

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 15:00:00 -0400

Fairy tale mash-ups, bonkers philosophers, and the weirdest first date EVER…

So... I Messed Up.

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 14:42:41 -0500

That campaign for my new cozy release? Turns out it’s ending in TWO weeks. Less, actually.

New Release and KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN! Murder in a Psychic Prison!

Tue, 19 Nov 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Promise kept! Summer is FINALLY going to rescue her new boyfriend from a creepy secret prison for psychics! (Or is she?)

New Release! The Playground Queen

Sat, 09 Nov 2024 00:00:00 +0000

How do you win the game… when the queen makes all the rules?

New Release! Waiting for Perot (And Other Goofy Comedies I Wrote in High School)

Thu, 24 Oct 2024 16:38:35 -0400

Love can be silly… in these five hilarious stories from Bill Alive, newly released for the first time…

New Release! Crags in the Sunset (And Other Love Stories I Wrote in High School)

Wed, 25 Sep 2024 17:18:12 -0400

How far would you go for love? Five intense stories of love and relationships, now revealed for the first time…

Quick Question Re: Cozy Mysteries

Fri, 10 May 2024 00:00:00 +0000

Which would YOU prefer…?

New Cozy Release! MURDER FEELS DEADLY is now ready for you to read!

Mon, 07 Aug 2023 00:00:00 +0000

He doesn’t know he has a secret power… until he feels a murder.

Cozy Mysteries for All! 🎁 📕

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 00:00:00 +0000

Who am I, again? Just one of the many authors whose newsletters you signed up for years ago… who then proceeded to go radio silent for months on end.. until they cheerfully showed up again in your inbox, smiles wide, as if nothing had happened.

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 An Alexio Sampler

Fri, 16 Apr 2021 00:00:00 +0000

If you're reading this, you should get this new comedy while it's on sale. But in case you need a final nudge…

Free Read Friday! 🎁 + Box Set FLASH SALE

Fri, 02 Apr 2021 00:00:00 +0000

A massive selection from.this awesome new box set. The first five chapters, almost 10,000 words. Read it before it vanishes… and then get the whole new box set before the launch sale ends next Monday.

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 When Psychics Duel...

Fri, 19 Mar 2021 00:00:00 +0000

An exclusive excerpt from Murder With a Psychic Kiss… with a dangerous new psychic power that even Summer has to respect.

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 Chocolate, Shopping, and an Empath Cousin's Intervention

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 00:00:00 +0000

An exclusive excerpt from Murder With a Psychic Zap.

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 Solving mysteries with a mind-reading parrot...

Fri, 05 Mar 2021 00:00:00 +0000

An exclusive, lengthy excerpt from Murder With a Psychic Touch… with one of my favorite, funniest scenes.

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 More Pretentious Poetry (+ More Photos!)

Fri, 26 Feb 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Did you think that self-help poem a few weeks back was a one-off? Are you kidding? This is a GENRE.

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 The Secret to Attracting the Dolphin You Deserve!

Fri, 19 Feb 2021 00:00:00 +0000

You can solve ANY problem with the "Law of Attraction"! Even a missing dolphin…

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 Meet Clueless.

Fri, 12 Feb 2021 00:00:00 +0000

If only real interviewers were this accidentally honest…

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 Unsubscribe NOW...

Fri, 05 Feb 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Have you ever signed up for a "free email course" that turned out to be overpriced?

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 Don't Buy This Watch...

Fri, 29 Jan 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Tired of fawning interviews with tech titans? And Amazon reviews that sound slightly deranged? You're going to love this…

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 Pretentious Poetry (With Photos!)

Fri, 22 Jan 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Self help poetry? Illustrated with incongruous stock photos? How is this even possible…

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 8 Crazy Tricks to LOSE WEIGHT Without Diets, Exercise, or Gross Protein Shakes!

Fri, 15 Jan 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Stop trying so hard! Losing weight is SUPER EASY, with these amazing tricks from no-diet diva Sparkle Vane…

Free Read Friday! 🎁 📕 🎉 A New Year, A New Self-Help Parody...

Fri, 08 Jan 2021 00:00:00 +0000

Are you already nauseated by a million self-help articles swarming the New Year? Imagine a new self-help parody, starring an Internet gazillionaire, a lost dolphin, and a desperate crew of oddball bloggers…

Funny cozy paperbacks SALE (+ I get personal...) ❤ 📕 📗 📘 📒

Fri, 30 Oct 2020 00:00:00 +0000

Paperbacks! A new comedy book! And my surprising personal take on Trump…

Want a free funny parody?

Tue, 28 Apr 2020 17:56:00 -0400

Hey! It’s Bill Alive, and I’ve got another short funny piece for you to enjoy.

These days, we can all use a laugh, right?

Best of all, it’s totally free.

Is There a Hobo in Your Attic?

Tue, 28 Apr 2020 00:00:00 -0400

Is there a hobo in your attic?

Is your 401(k) plan worth less than it was five minutes ago?

Are any of your friends mocking you right now?

Want a free funny fantasy story? Plus a pretty flower, even.

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 00:00:00 -0400

Hey! It’s Bill Alive, your Friendly Neighborhood Reclusive Comedy Mystery Writer.

I have a sweet free story for you below, but first…

How are you holding up?

My family and I are quite blessed; we live out in the country, and so in some ways our shared life over these last few weeks has been surreal in its normality.

Reading Order for the Wonder Springs Mystery Series

Thu, 06 Feb 2020 12:36:00 -0500

Ready to read the paranormal mystery adventures of Summer Sassafras and her family of secret psychics in lovely Wonder Springs, Virgina? Here’s the preferred reading order for this series.

Reading Order for the Mark Falcon Mystery Series

Thu, 06 Feb 2020 12:16:00 -0500

Ready to read the paranormal mystery adventures of Mark Falcon, the Empath Detective, as told by his excitable sidekick, Pete? Here’s the preferred reading order for this series.

A Cozy Sleuth Speaks Out on Chocolate 🍫

Sat, 01 Feb 2020 13:15:00 -0500

So, my wife Beth thought this might make you laugh.

At least, she loved it. It’s a snippet from my new funny cozy mystery.

And here in the U.S., it seems uncannily fitting as we all gear up for the Thanksgiving food-a-thon…

New Release! Is Her Best Friend a Killer? [Read My New Funny Cozy!] 📕 🎉

Sat, 01 Feb 2020 13:15:00 -0500

What if your best friend was accused of murder?

And even though she was usually the kindest, sweetest person you knew (not to mention an empath)…

I helped write a movie! 😮 🎥 🏆 [Watch it free]

Sat, 01 Feb 2020 12:53:00 -0500

Hi !

So, I know it’s been awhile.

But I’ve been writing hard.

Writing you an all-new funny mystery series.

New zany characters, new cozy little town in country Virginia, new psychic powers… you’re going to love this.

New Release! The Affair of the Hideous Vase

Thu, 30 Jan 2020 17:11:00 -0500

Hi ! My new funny mystery is now ~~free~~ live on Amazon!

[UPDATE: Alas, the free launch promo has ended. Sign up for my newsletter to get future launch discounts.]

Site revamp for 2020!

Thu, 30 Jan 2020 00:00:00 -0500

TL;DR I wrote a LOT last year. This year, I also want to keep in touch. With readers like you. Which includes actually posting updates around here…

Funny Quotes to Share from My New Release

Thu, 28 Feb 2019 16:40:00 -0500

These cards are pretty fun. :)

Note the sale price.

My new book, The Punctuality Machine, is on sale for 99 cents until next Thursday, Mar 7, so please make sure to share before then.

New Release! Time travel gone so wrong…

Thu, 28 Feb 2019 16:24:00 -0500

The Punctuality Machine… And Other Tales of Time Dysfunction

The Glider with the Corpse

Thu, 11 Oct 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Where do authors get their ideas? You might be sorry you asked… (Plus an update on MURDER FEELS CRAZY…)

How to Make Murder Funny (Or Not) - Part 1

Thu, 20 Sep 2018 00:00:00 +0000

How do you make murder funny? Or do you?

YOU MEAN IN REAL LIFE???

No! I mean stories. Murder mysteries.

How do you take something as horrifying as murder and weave it into a story that’s actually fun? Much less funny?

What Would It REALLY Feel Like to Catch Murderers?

Wed, 19 Sep 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Can you imagine getting the chance to ACTUALLY hunt a murderer?

Much less meeting a real empath? Someone who can really feel other people’s secret emotions and pain?

Exciting Plans! And a Quick Favor, With NO Butterscotch...

Thu, 06 Sep 2018 00:00:00 +0000

To make this long-awaited book launch truly spectacular, I need YOUR help…

You Have to Hear This! You'll Be So Excited! (At Least, I Am!)

Fri, 24 Aug 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I’m bouncing off the walls! But I also want to crawl into bed. At least, that’s what I WOULD do … if I HAD a bed…

You Can't Read Just One of These Hilarious CRAZY LAWS

Thu, 09 Aug 2018 00:00:00 +0000

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: If you currently reside in the U.S.A., you should CONSULT THIS CHART IMMEDIATELY. You could be in SERIOUS LEGAL JEOPARDY and NOT EVEN KNOW…

You Won't Believe This Is Actually Illegal

Wed, 01 Aug 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Only in Virginia, though. In Maryland, it’s totally fine. I’m serious.

The Magical Anti-Nagging Kid Trick

Thu, 26 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Or, why authors who hate selling are cheating the whole world.

Could Free Novels Make You Look Fantastic?

Tue, 17 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

You might assume your savvy reader friends know all about these book giveaways, but … can you really be sure? You might save someone’s sanity today…

Warning! New Writers Get This Secret Exactly Wrong...

Thu, 12 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

As I write, each chapter tracks its own separate word count. I watch that count with cautious dread…but not for the reason you think…

Sneak Attack! Everything We Know on This Is Wrong...

Wed, 04 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Turns out, there’s this crucial storytelling issue where everything we think we “know” is wrong. And for real, this ignorance could get you killed.

This Secret Extra Plotting Step Seriously Changes Everything...

Wed, 27 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

What if you could totally skip your first draft? All that stress, all that angst…POOF.

Challenge Update: Can I Finish MURDER FEELS CRAZY in Time?

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Maybe it’ll help to go on this writing retreat…

Ok, I'm Honestly Scared to Share This...

Tue, 12 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Can Bill finish his next novel in the next FIVE WEEKS??

Can fun novels actually help you … grow?

Thu, 26 Apr 2018 12:05:03 +0000

So I went through this iffy period awhile back where I was reading all these classic Agatha Christie mysteries. (Maybe you can relate.) And somehow, she kept harping on the “green-eyed monster.”

Does your spell checker hate you?

Wed, 28 Mar 2018 19:00:47 +0000

Of course, yes, I’ll freely admit that the Squiggly Red Line saves my literary neck all the time. In fact, I just managed to mistype “squiggly”. But what about this whole ideal of “perfect” spelling being moderated by a computer? Let’s face it: making up words is fun.

Hilarious Cozy Mystery Alert: Gertie Johnson in Murder Passes the Buck

Wed, 21 Feb 2018 12:00:36 +0000

For me, this first adventure of Gertie Johnson, a sharp sixty-six-year-old widow in the wacky wilds of Michigan’s UP, hits all the right notes.

When Do Your Fellow Readers Quit Reading a Novel?

Tue, 20 Feb 2018 19:34:00 +0000

You know why YOU quit reading a novel … but what about everyone else? Their secret “rules” may surprise you….

When Do You Quit Reading a Novel? (+ a Movie I’m Glad I Finished)

Tue, 20 Feb 2018 13:59:16 +0000

Do you have particular triggers that make you quit? Cursing? Violence? Sex? Gratuitous brand names?

On the Hazards of Starting an “Author Blog” (Or, Do Authors Secretly Hate Blogging?)

Mon, 19 Feb 2018 20:12:52 +0000

Have you ever wondered whether authors like having a blog? Or maybe … hate it?