New Release! 📚 Coffee Beans

From acclaimed comedy writer BILL ALIVE, author of DON'T DANCE ON THE LOBSTERS, comes this radiantly ludicrous comedy of young love and new beans.

Young, anxious Simon longs to ask the lovely Diane Wershinghaven out on their first date.

Do they know each other as friends? Sure. For six years now. She might even like him! Probably time to make his move.

The problem? Her robust, even terrifying, mother, Gladys. Gladys doesn't let Diane get out much. And Gladys does not like Simon. Not at all.

But this time, finally, Simon knows just how to dodge the all-seeing Gladys.

Maybe.

A zany, light-hearted comedy with bonkers characters, ridiculous predicaments, and perhaps even the answer to the eternal question: Can True Like really conquer all?

🛒 Buy Coffee Beans now...

Acclaimed comedy writer Bill Alive, author of RICH, SKINNY, AND SUPER SPIRITUAL, brings you five hilarious stories, appearing here for the first time in book form:

In “Waiting for Perot”, the lovestruck Monty meets, then loses, the woman of his dreams, and the only clue she leaves to her identity is somewhat obscure. Can he find his true love again, or will he be thwarted by a mysterious (and relentless) politician?

In “Coffee Beans”, by contrast, the lovestruck Simon has been planning his first date with his true love, Diane Wershinghaven, for… six years. Her robust mother Gladys has proved an insuperable obstacle. Will Gladys be impressed by Simon’s “unique” new business idea? Or will she finally make good on her many threats?

Then, in “The Joys of Research Paper Writing,” a young humorist channels his inner Dave Barry and recounts the slightly implausible tale of his recent all-nighter. Trust me, it’s weirder than it sounds.

In “It’s Just Fate,” we get a unique take on the three ancient Greek immortals who were said to control the destinies of all human kind. Grumpy, bored goddesses with lethal magical scissors—what could go wrong?

Finally, in “DJ Jarba and Rockabilly go to Venice,” two hapless college students flee the British police over a truly unfortunate misunderstanding involving illegal gold dust, soup flavor packets, and a “borrowed” dog catcher truck.

The twist? Bill wrote all these stories in high school.

No, really. (Okay, one in college, but still.)

Some are even stage plays that he actually performed live.

Curious? Take a look.

🛒 Buy Waiting for Perot now...