New Release! Don't Dance on the Lobsters! Plus... MY TWELVE-BOOK CHALLENGE IS COMPLETE! 🏆

Hey there! It’s Challenge Book #12 in my twelve-month publishing challenge, and

Hot on the heels of world-shattering parody book DON’T NAME YOUR BABY, from acclaimed comedy writer and proficient sitter BILL ALIVE, comes a second ground-breaking parody collection that will not actually break anything, don’t worry! It’s just an expression!

In DON’T DANCE ON THE LOBSTERS, you’ll get a whole second book of even more short, delectable parody pieces across many different genres and formats, including:

Profound, thoughtfully illustrated poems about the human condition, with titles like, “Coffee: Why?”
Fake interviews with notables such as the inventor of a new solar-powered sports watch with a real “killer feature”: it shrieks like a kettle when the battery gets low, forcing you to at least go outside once in awhile.
A (short) soap opera set in a small Christian college.
An even shorter preview for a horror movie set in a hotel where the killer leaves signs around like, “You Can’t Use the Emergency Exits, That Would Be Cheating”.
A “live transcription” podcast starring two marketers who literally just record themselves trying to talk shop while they run random errands… buying lobsters, for instance…

… and much, much more.

If you love short, zany humor pieces, irreverent yet affectionate spoofs, and the kind of sketch comedy you might see on Saturday Night Live! or (once upon a time) The Muppet Show, you won’t want to miss DON’T DANCE ON THE LOBSTERS!

Get it now.

One-click DON’T DANCE ON THE LOBSTERS now!

WAIT, DID YOU SAY THIS IS BOOK TWELVE? THE FINAL BOOK IN YOUR TWELVE BOOK CHALLENGE??

Yes!

YOU ACTUALLY PUBLISHED TWELVE WHOLE BOOKS IN TWELVE MONTHS!?

I did!

More like ten or eleven months, actually. But I’m not that proud of being a month or so early, because I paused my writing for about that long to push through some tricky bits with the publishing. Next time I’ll keep up the writing.

“NEXT TIME”? DUDE! TWELVE BOOKS!!

I know! Check them out…

COVER: Can Someone Who Knows They Exist Go Call the Police?

Wow, seeing those makes me happy.

I hope a few have made you happy too.

GOLLY. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT?

Funny you should ask.

With all this momentum, why slow down?

In fact, my current goal is to keep publishing something every three weeks.

A WHOLE NEW BOOK EVERY THREE WEEKS?? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR—

Wait! Hold up.

HOLDING… IN FACT, I’M HOLDING ONTO A NEARBY POLE SO I DON’T FALL OVER…

Good. Listen, it won’t necessarily be a whole book… it could be a short story, even a children’s book. I just want to keep up the pace, keep bringing you stories—

CHILDREN’S BOOKS ARE A TON OF WORK!

That’s true, that’s a bad example.

Or is it?

See you in three weeks…

WAIT, WAS THAT A HINT? HANG ON A SECOND—

Happy reading! Bye!

Bill Alive

P.S. Oops, did you scroll past the link again? Here you go: DON’T DANCE ON THE LOBSTERS, my new comedy release! 📖 🎉 😉 And come back soon, because 1) I successfully published 12 books over the past 12 months 🏆 so 2) I’m planning to take it up a notch by continuing to publish something (either a full book or a short story) every three weeks 😱…

UPDATE (2025 Nov 14): Although the “next” post after this one is another new release announcement, you may want to skip to my next actual update in November.