Writing funny mysteries (and more!) for you.

Bill Alive
Bill Alive
Writer. Thinker. Goofball.
Feb 1, 2020 3 min read

A Cozy Sleuth Speaks Out on Chocolate ๐Ÿซ

So, my wife Beth thought this might make you laugh. At least, she loved it. It’s a snippet from my new funny cozy mystery. And here in the U.

So, my wife Beth thought this might make you laugh.

At least, she loved it. It’s a snippet from my new funny cozy mystery.

And here in the U.S., it seems uncannily fitting as we all gear up for the Thanksgiving food-a-thon…

First, though, you should know that Beth is the Best First Reader Ever; she catches almost everything, from tiny typos to gaping plot holes. So if you ever meet her, give her a hug or something, please. She’s amazing (in many ways).

Second, for a bit of context (just in case, unlike me, you don’t happen to be thinking about my Wonder Springs cozy mystery series pretty much all the time)…

The narrator, Summer, is both a secret psychic and an amateur sleuth. And at this point in the case, she’s also a bit stressed…

Have you ever tried to give up chocolate?

You get through those days, or weeks, or months, or hours, and you think you’re mostly, pretty much over it, right? Like, “Chocolate? Bah! Take it or leave it. I’m high on life! And I’ve already lost twelve ounces!”

And then Something Happens, like your dog dies, or the nukes fall, or you open the cabinet to get your new favorite snack of dried seaweed and there is, in fact, still chocolate in there, and it’s like the FBI SWAT team kicks in the door. “GO! GO! GO! Clear! Clear!” And you’re gone, you’re rampaging, you’re gnoshing down chocolate like it’s air and you’ve been holding your breath for ten years, and you can’t even taste it anymore, not on your tongue, but your brain, your brain is in chocolate climax, and you have come to the eternal center of all things sweet, the secret of the universe has been revealed at last, and you know that this is your life plan, that this works, that you will be gorging on chocolate for the rest of your life, and also that five minutes after you stop, you’re going to hate yourself for a month.

That’s how it is for me.

… honestly, that may be how it is for me too. :)

What about you? Have you ever tried to give up chocolate? Or anything else?

Comment below or send me an email – I’d love to know if you have any tips… or funny stories…

And thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this, let me know… I’d like to share more short excerpts like this, because you can enjoy them whether or not you get around to reading the books.

And if you’re celebrating Thanksgiving this week, I hope you have safe travels and a lovely time with your family! My wife and kids and I have to drive pretty much all day, from Virginia up to western New York, but it’s totally worth it.

Even if New York already has snow. (What is that about?)

And if all your beloved relatives get a bit loud and overwhelming… you can always sneak off to read and recharge. I certainly plan to. :)

Happy reading!

[Bill Alive]

Bill Alive